Nitro Results
08-09-99

August 9, 1999
Hosted by Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan
Live from Boise, Idaho

Show opens with recap of Mona and Rodman taking on Mach, Goldberg/Sting vs Sid/Steiner, Steiner's attack on Hudson, Nash attacking Hogan, from last Monday's show.

Tonight: Hogan confronts Nash, Hummer Driver to be revealed? Chris Benoit finally getting his push?

Great...two minutes into the broadcast and I'm already losing interest, because yes, Schiavone is back behind the booth instead of backstage.

Schiavone announces that Sting has given control of WCW back to WCW, and they will name a new president in the coming weeks. JJ Dillon is still head of the executive committee, and he has named "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes head of the "Championship Committee" and now has duties that sound strangely similar to that of the "Head Booker."

First Match: Norman Smiley, Prince Iaukea, and Lash LeRoux vs. The Dead Pool (Vampiro & ICP w/Raven)
Raven's getting a little more gothic with black paint under his eyes, and he's going to watch from the sidelines as Vamp and the Clowns go to battle. Right away the two newcomers lock up with Vamp tussling with LeRoux. ICP looks real good in the ring, so does LeRoux, but he needs to work on his timing. Crowd starts a big ICP chant. Crowd is really into this one, Vamp is WAY over. Norman Smiley gets in and deals out bodyslams for everyone, then gets the big wiggle on TV...all 6 men hit the ring, Dope and Smiley take it outside, J hits a Moonsault onto LeRoux for the pin. Great match.
Winners: The Dead Pool

And now the always talented and completely beautiful Nitro Girls attempt to make up for Schiavone being on TV again, and do a pretty good job!

Backstage, the Revolution are having a little meeting with Dusty Rhodes, who promises all four of them that they will get their shot now that Ric Flair is out of power. Dusty and Shane Douglas reminisce about Ric Flair and assorted old people, when David Flair and (damn) Torrie walk by and make fun of old man Dusty. Benoit asks the "champ" about another title shot, Flair tells him to wait 30 days. Crippler apparently doesn't think that David heard him, so he puts on the Crossface on the concrete floor backstage. Dusty finally breaks it up and tells Flair he will put the belt on the line tonight against Benoit

Second Match: Public Enemy vs. West Texas Rednecks
In a further sign that the Rap is Crap world tour is over, the �Necks come out to an even lamer country song tonight. Tony reminds us that country superstar Chad Brock will be here tonight. Anyone wanna bet that ECW won't have country singers on their show, even though they're on TNN? Crowd is on PE's side for some reason. Rock hits a clothesline, signals for a moonsault, and tags in Grunge instead. HUGE "Barry Sucks" chant starts. They don't mean Manilow, they're talking about Windham. The most important thing is that they can read my mind, I was just thinking the same thing. About halfway in is the required double clothesline which puts Rock and Windham out. Outside the ring, Windham gets put on the table, and Rock goes over the ropes and lands on him, breaking the table. I didn't see what happened right after that since I was typing, but Hennig apparently nailed Grunge with part of the table and got the 1-2-3.
Winners: The West Texas Rednecks

Schiavone shills for Road Wild doing a great impersonation as a QVC announcer, telling us it only takes a second to order the PPV, and it will give you memories that will last forever. Whatever, Tony, shut up and drool over the Nitro Girls.

Third Match: Little Jeanie vs. Mona
Before the match even starts the girls get a bigger pop than the Rednecks/PE match...taking notes WCW? Two moves into the match, they've already demonstrated more technical ability than Windham and PE. Brain wonders if Little Jeanie is like the one in the lamp, where you rub it and see what comes out. While Little Jeanie is outside the ring, the camera shows the ref with his very visible earpiece telling Mona something. Little Jeanie hits a nice head-scissors takeover, Mona rolls out of the pin. Mona does a backflip into a splash in the corner, then a bulldog and gets the pin. Brandi Alexander comes running out from the back and gets laid out as well by Mona.

Backstage, Hogan is called out to do his interview. A little kid (Hogan's?) runs into his dressing room to let him know. Hogan thanks the kid and gets up to go out when the kids asks why Hogan isn't wearing the stuff he packed for him. Hogan asks what stuff, and the kid pulls the red and yellow gear out of a bag. Hogan tells him to hold onto it and makes his way out front. Before leaving the tunnel, he gets jumped by Sid and Nash, who drag Hogan to the ring while beating him down. Sting and Goldberg run out to make the save. Hogan does some classic Hulkamania gestures, then grabs the microphone, tells Nash that this business is his life and he's been in it his whole life, and that if Nash beats him at Road Wild, he'll retire, then he challenges Nash/Sid/Steiner for tonight against Hogan/Nash/Goldberg. The three heels agree. Sting says he has one more stipulation for Sturgis, and that is that if Hogan/Sting/Goldberg win tonight and the on Saturday Hogan beats Nash, Nash has to retire. Goldberg grabs the mic and tells Steiner that since he has nothing to put on the line, he should bring a certain part of his anatomy and put that on the line. Nash says he doesn't eat potatoes so he has no need for Boise, and tells the crowd to say goodbye to Hogan, since Hogan/Goldberg/Sting couldn't beat Nash by himself on Saturday, and that after tonight Hogan and his two "best friends" won't make it to Sturgis. Nash and homies fake as if the match is gonna start right now, but go backstage instead.

Fourth Match: Crippler Chris Benoit vs. The Guy with Torrie and the US Belt
WCW US Title Match
Before the match can start, Nick Patrick comes out and orders Charles Robinson out of the ring. Schiavone comments that Torrie is a distraction for Benoit...hell, she's a distraction for me!. Benoit lunges at Flair but Flair ducks and runs out of the ring saying he won't get back in. Three quarters of the way backstage, the rest of the Revolution comes out and bring him back in, then sit outside the ring as slightly biased lumberjacks. Damn Torrie is hot. Every time Benoit pounds on Flair the crowd pops. Knife edge chop, pop. Kick to the stomach, pop. Backbreaker, pop. You get the idea...Benoit hits the big bodyslam and calls for the finish. Chris hits the headbutt, Kanyon comes running out but is held back by Malenko. DDP tries to jump in and save, but the three count is hit in midair and Benoit jumps up in time for DDP to land on Flair. DDP hits Benoit with the US Title, but the Revolution make the save. Oh, you want to know the ending?? "The Winner, and NEW US Champion...Chris Benoit." Benoit gets the mic and tells DDP if he wants the belt, meet him at Sturgis for a no DQ match, and Benoit will "2 time, 2 time, 2 time, kick your a*s" Yeah, I edited out the middle s, but it was still more than WCW put on TV...Good match, Benoit finally got his, bad news for WCW, I'm showing it's only 9:01 pm. WCW realizing this, announces that Randy Savage is up next.
Winner, and NEW US CHAMPION: The Canadian Crippler, Chris Benoit

Right before Mean Gene comes out, the camera focuses on Spice and Tygress doing their thing. Torrie and George are fine, but Spice has got to by my favorite Nitro Girls...Mean Gene calls out Macho w/George, and guess who continues to disappoint by not bringing his best asset...Remember tomorrow prowrestle.com will bring you the official homepage of a WCW worker...I'm not saying who it is, but we're only an hour into the show and I've already seen the individual. Gene comments on Macho for Prez and George for Intern. Mach announces that George isn't here, and on Saturday he's going to get rid of Rodman, then George will be back. Macho talks about Sid and Nash, then brushes them off as if they were lint on his shoulder. Then he discusses Hogan and Rodman, and wipes them off as if they were dog poo on his shoe. Mean Gene pesters Macho to tell him the surprise, and Mach says the surprise is that he's going to beat Rodman at Road Wild. Oooh, yeah. No Hummer driver announced, we'll find out at the PPV. Lame segment...

Fifth Match: Chris Adams & Dave Taylor vs. Eddy Guerrero & Rey Mysterio Jr.
First off, why is Chris Adams on Nitro? The crowd sees the British team and the Hispanic team and pick their favorite...USA. I think Chris Adams has a higher body fat percentage than Eddy and Rey put together. Tony does a great commentating job, with such calls as "that great move" Outside the ring, Dave Taylor gives a clinic on being a heel by arguing with the fans and beating Rey with the British Flag. Rey in a world of trouble takes Adams down, then Taylor, then rolls into the other corner for a hot tag. Eddy clean house, Rey ruff rydes Taylor, with Tony using the bronco buster name. Rey hits the top rope frankensteiner for the win. ICP runs out w/Vampiro and start beating on Eddy and Rey, Kidman runs out to save the Latin Legion.
Winners: Eddy Guerrero and Rey Mysterio, Jr.

Mean Gene calls out the Rednecks. Hennig says that he wants to thank all the fans that made "Rap is Crap" go double platinum, and he thanks the Dixie Chicks for last night. Hennig says they have a new song they're going to play tonight. Okerlund reminds Hennig that Chad Brock is the guest musician tonight, which gets a huge boo from the crowd. Hennig disagrees and says he's the only musician here tonight and if he doesn't get the stage, there could be a good ol' redneck rumble...

Sixth Match: Kidman vs. Disco Inferno
While Kidman is coming out, Tony sends get well wishes to Scott Hudson and says that he'll be back on WCW Saturday Night this week. Typical WCW...one step forward, one step back. Tony and Bobby talk about all the baseball happenings last week, including my man Wade Boggs's 3,000 hit. Pretty good match actually, Tony comments on Disco's meaner look. After many near pins on both sides, ICP and Vampiro come out and break up a Shooting Star Press attempt, then taunt Kidman. Ref decides this isn't normal and calls for the bell. Disco recovers and starts beating on the Dead Pool, then Eddy and Rey run out to save Kidman and Disco. Dead Pool retreats, and it looks like the rumored "Filthy Animals" group is about to form as all four men talk amongst themselves in the ring. Kidman sticks his hand out to Disco, Disco refuses. Rey tries to hug Disco, Disco retreats. I would too...the group sounds pretty good, but Filthy Animals has got to be the stupidest name I've ever heard...
Winner: No Contest

Seventh Match: Buff The Stuff Bagwell vs. The Muscular Gut Scott Norton
Not that bad of a match, Norton's power vs. Buff with some actual moves and offense. After a mean looking shoulder breaker, Buff retreats to the outside, and the Cat with his ruby red slippers and Sonny Onoo make their way out and observe the match from the entryway. Buff hits a few moves, ending with a hip toss then has Norton down, but the Cat pulls the ref out before he can make the 3 count. Onoo hits Buff with a briefcase, Norton throws Buff into the ropes, then runs down the Cat, at which point the ref awards the match to Buff, who then lays out Sonny Onoo
Winner: Buff Bagwell by DQ.

Oh boy, what a treat. Chad Brock and his good ol' annoying twang is entertaining us on stage. My thoughts on this...this is a guy who couldn't hack it in Power Plant and we're supposed to be impressed? This guy is less qualified to be in a wrestling ring than Chris Adams? Then David Flair? On top of the fact that I don't like country anyway...Hopefully Hennig will come out soon and beat this guy down. He kinda looks like Dusty Rhodes about 200 lbs ago...Uh-oh, it's Curt Hennig, there might be a bar brawl here soon. Brock and Hennig get face to face and start throwing punches. Revolution comes out and breaks up the fight, and Brock tells Hennig that if he wants him, he's got him. Great...another loser celebrity match for Road Wild I bet...

Another segment with the Nitro Girls, with yet another closeup of Spice...there is a God. Tony lets on how weird he is, discussing how he has often painted his face for previous Kiss Concerts. Who cares, bring back Hudson!!! Out comes the Triad...

Triad hits the ring, DDP tells Benoit to keep the US Belt shiny, �cuz he's taking it at Sturgis, Jersey style. Following another botched attempt at Kanyon's line, the Jersey Boys inform us that nobody's dumber that Harlem Heat's mother, since she tries to alphabetize M&M's... What they didn't say is that Harlem Heat's Momma thinks they're supposed to be W&W's. Booker and Stevie make their way out for a Booker/Kanyon Match.

Eighth Match: Booker T w/Stevie Ray vs. Kanyon w/DDP and Bam Bam
Pre-match, the ref sends DDP and Bam Bam backstage, sliding the odds into Booker's favor. Pretty much pointless match except to hype the tag title match at the PPV. Pretty crappy offering when Raw has Jericho on. Ref takes a bump, Triad comes out and clobbers the Heaters with the tag belts, and then Kanyon scores the win with a Flatliner
Winner: Kanyon

I don't know what I'm more impressed with so far...so many close-ups of Spice, or the fact that none of the matches have been interrupted by commercial. Anyhow, I'll interrupt this report with a commercial...this report brought to you by prowrestle.com & Matthew Cox.

Mean Gene's in the ring, and brings out the family friendly Dennis Rodman, who comes out to Hogan's nWo Hollywood music. What Up Rod? Rodman goes for the cheap face heat saying how he loves being in Idaho. Yeah, I believe that one. Gene tells Rodman that this is his chance to be a bona fide two or three sport superstar. Rodman says that after he beats Macho, he's going to take George all over Sturgis so she knows that she's his bi..bit..bitc...nah, this is a g-rated report, but I think you get the idea. Gene quickly takes possession of the mic, and out comes Mach, who has to be restrained by Boise's finest..I thought Boise's finest ended up as french fries, not police officers...

On a personal note, no matter how bad any Nitro gets, it will never be as bad as "The Blair Witch Project." The last 20 minutes were okay, but up until that it was like a bad home video of some kids getting lost, then mad. Hey, cool, WWF is on TNT and USA! Oh wait, that's just the commercial for the WWF Attitude videogame showing on TNT. Yet another smart move by WCW...that's how you'll beat the competition, advertise for them!

Nash, Sid, and Steiner make their way out for the match...are they going to make this into a 15-20 minute match? I'm betting since there will probably not be a screwjob ending or DQ, that Goldberg will pin either Nash or Steiner. I will eat my shoes if someone actually pins Sid in this match.